


The Real Reason

by gammacorvi



Category: Actor RPF, CSI RPF, Without a Trace
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Tarantula - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-06
Updated: 2005-12-06
Packaged: 2017-12-26 23:19:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gammacorvi/pseuds/gammacorvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why aren't Sam and Jack together? What is holding Grissom back to finally declare his undying love for Sara? Read and find out... (written in 2005)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real Reason

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between real people and real events is purely coincidental and completely unintentional (sort of...).

Author’s note: This was written in 2005 when that whole Grissom/Sara, Sam/Jack UST thing got a little too much for me and I needed some comic relief. Of course, all that is sooo long ago it’s probably not even funny anymore… Still – enjoy!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fade in.  
It has been a long and emotionally draining day on the set of 'Without a Trace'.  
First Jack made everyone cry, for refusing to leave his dead friend Max alone in the storage building.  
A little later Anthony LaPaglia did a Gil Grissom impersonation. It took a while before the last laugh died away and everyone could get back to work.  
Anthony is sitting in his trailer in front of the mirror.  
A large tarantula is crawling over his hand. He is stroking its back.  
A knock on the door.  
Enter Poppy Montgomery.  
Poppy: Jesus Christ!  
Anthony: You used to call me Tony, Poppy.  
Poppy: I was not talking to you, I was talking about the spider.  
Anthony: (looking mildly surprised) But Poppy, that's not a spider, that's a tarantula. Don't you watch CSI?  
Poppy: Don't you think you're taking that Gil Grissom thing a bit too far?  
Anthony: (continues to stroke the tarantula's back)  
Poppy: (sits down) Anthony, we need to talk.  
Anthony: Uh-oh.  
Poppy: It's serious.  
Anthony: Okay, let's talk. Is this about Grissom and Sara again?  
Poppy: I know you've been talking to Billy. You two were seen at the local bar last night. I'm afraid you're a bad influence on him.  
Anthony: Oh, how come?  
Poppy: I have it first hand from the writers on CSI that Grissom would have kissed Sara long ago if you hadn't told him to wait.  
Anthony: That's not true.  
Poppy: Don't lie to me!  
Anthony: I've never talked to Grissom.  
Poppy: Don't try to confuse me. We're talking about Billy and you know exactly what I mean.  
Anthony: I'm not influencing Billy.  
Poppy: So what're you saying? He's influencing you?  
Anthony: Not at all. We agree on everything.  
Poppy: So, this is a conspiracy?  
Anthony: Poppy, what are you talking about?  
Poppy: I'm talking about Jack and Sam.  
Anthony: Oh, I thought we were talking about Grissom and Sara.  
Poppy: We are.  
Anthony: (confused silence)  
Poppy: Why are Grissom and Sara not together?  
Anthony: Because Grissom is hiding a dark secret.  
The tarantula starts to crawl up his arm. Anthony ignores it.  
Poppy: (gaze fixed on the tarantula) What kind of secret?  
Anthony: I can't tell you. Only that it's dark.  
Poppy: Oh, you mean like his mother killed herself while he was sitting in the living room watching TV?  
Anthony: (sighs) Something like that. Very sad. You'll have to ask Billy for the details.  
Poppy: But why are Grissom and Sara not together?  
Anthony: (confused) I just told you!  
Poppy: No, I mean the real reason.  
Anthony:(reluctantly) Billy and I have a bet going.  
Poppy: What bet?  
Anthony: If Jack kisses Sam first I have to pay Billy $2000.  
Poppy: (shocked silence)  
Anthony: I figure I have a good chance. CSI has been running for six seasons. Billy won't be able to hold out much longer. I think he'll have to give in sometime next year.  
Poppy: All this is happening because of a bet…  
Anthony: Oh no, of course not. It's because Grissom has a dark secret.  
Poppy: Oh…  
(Anthony puts the tarantula back in its tank.)  
Poppy: What about Sam and Jack?  
Anthony: What about them?  
Poppy: When is Jack going to kiss her?  
Anthony: (evasive) Grissom has to kiss Sara first.  
Poppy: So when Grissom has kissed Sara, Jack will kiss Sam?  
Anthony: We'll see…  
Poppy: Anthony, that's not good enough.  
Anthony: It's not my decision.  
Poppy: Don't lie to me.  
Anthony: I don't know what you're talking about.  
Poppy: I'm talking about the monthly bribes you've been paying the writers to make sure Sam and Jack don't get together.  
Anthony: How did you know?  
Poppy: I'm a Federal Agent. I have my sources.  
Anthony: Don't you think you're taking that Sam thing a bit too far?  
Poppy: (stubborn silence)  
Anthony: Okay, I admit it, I've been bribing them. But only a little.  
Poppy: You mean you're not responsible for all of them being able to afford new cars?  
Anthony: (very guilty silence)  
Poppy: So why aren't Jack and Sam together?  
Anthony: Jack doesn't think she loves him anymore.  
Poppy: What?  
Anthony: I mean, she's with Martin and…  
Poppy: She's not.  
Anthony: She's not what?  
Poppy: With Martin. She broke up with him a long time ago.  
Anthony: Oh…?  
Poppy: Haven't you been watching the show? Jack knows!  
Anthony: He does not!  
Poppy: Oh yes, he knows!  
Anthony: Don't tell me what Jack knows or doesn't know!  
Poppy: He must be blind!  
Anthony: (smiles cryptically)  
Poppy: Now tell me the real reason.  
Anthony: Jack doesn't think-  
Poppy: No, the real reason.  
Anthony: I'm bribing-  
Poppy: Anthony!  
Anthony: Okay, you want to know the truth, here's the truth...  
Poppy: (waiting)  
Anthony: Jack is miserable.  
Poppy: That's exactly my point. Let's put him out of his misery. Let him kiss Sam. Anne can't make him happy.  
Anthony: (sounding very satisfied) No, she'll make him miserable.  
Poppy: But he has been miserable for three years…  
Anthony: (nodding happily) Yes.  
Poppy: (stunned silence)  
Anthony: (taps on the tarantula's tank and makes cooing noises)  
Poppy: (more stunned silence)  
Anthony: Was there more?  
Poppy: You mean you want Jack to be miserable?  
Anthony: Of course.  
Poppy: But why?  
Anthony: It's such a great challenge, acting-wise.  
Poppy: So there's no hope for Sam and Jack?  
Anthony: Of course there is. Now let's see, this show could run for another 15 years, so if he kisses her the first time in year 13…  
Poppy: (buries her head in her hands)  
Anthony: (brightly) Didn't you read that interview I did? I love being miserable!  
The tarantula climbs out of its tank and crawls away to find William Petersen. It figures there is more chance for a little happiness on the set of CSI.  
Fade out.


End file.
